As seasoned coffee connoisseurs, the
Priapism boys have come up with a few handy tips on
how to consume large quantities (that is, greater than 15
standard cups per day) of coffee without becoming
your mother-in-law.
A young Chris (Priapism Boy
#1) showed promising signs
for the future.
Drink plenty of water while injesting coffee at cafes.
Not only does this make your procrastination last longer
but allows you more trips to the toilet so you can check
out that saucy waitperson behind the espresso machine.
Sit in the sun. It dries you out and you are able to
drink more coffee as the caffiene seeps out of you
quicker. As an added bonus, you look heaps cooler
(the cool people always sit outside) and you can end
up with a lovely brown tone to your skins (hides the
yellow from the coffee. BONUS!)
Smoke. The simultaneous injestion of nicotiene and
caffiene is the single most poignant symbol of Western
Wealth. Couple that with sitting in the sun in a cafe
and everyone in the developing world will wish they
were you, even if you life is shit!
Choose your company well. Getting your fix with crabby
people is a sure-fire way of becoming irritable. Don't
go out for coffee with the recently-dumped, the
just-got-together couple (enough to turn anyone off)
or anyone popping more than 8 Prozac per day.
Guess which one is which. First correct reply wins a
prize!
As a final piece of advice, don't injest caffiene by yourself. By the time
you come off your buzz, you will realise exactly how bad your life really
is and want to have another cup. Find a friend whose existence is
completely worthless but they don't realise it yet. They are the best
company around :)
Disclaimer: The Priapism Team and TUNE! FM do not condone any of
the above actions, nor do they beleive that mothers-in-law are irritable.
This article is intended as a work of satire and it was not intended to
offend anyone. So if you were offended, you are a big bloody whinger!
P.S. They made us write that. Mothers-in-law are all
sithspawn from hell!!!!
